Shes transfixed by edward... he loves her. she loves him. Happy story! Not really. Edward breaks up with her to keep her safe... It kills Bella. At first its so surreal. She doesnt believe it. She wanders off looking for him. And gets lost. She is finally found and she is depressed. Devastated. She doesnt know what to do and shes going through the motions.
I lost the most important person in my life. Not the exact same way. but quite similar. Depression and being lost come after the happy lovey part. I do everything i can now. just to get through each day. I fill my schedule up so much that i cry myself to sleep because i'm stressed and mentally exhausted.
other times... I feel ok. its rare. but it happens. like on stage. I am my character and not myself. i dont have to worry about anything, other than getting the fairy queens attention that is.
Every now and then, i forget and i laugh and actually mean it. sometimes, i feel like a normal teenage girl. sometimes, i feel like i have true freinds.
and othertimes, i avoid people because i remember. I fall down on the ground because i didnt realize i was holding my breath. i stay on the floor until i can breathe normally.
But i read your posts because i need to know that you are ok. or something close to ok. and you have your own box. i keep everything you ever gave me in that box. other than the teddy bear who sleeps on my bed and the hoodies. one is in my closet, and the other is hidden in one of my dresser drawers. these are the closest things i have to you. and they mean the world to me.
can we skip to the end of the new moon book? when they are back together?
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